Whale Tongue Tales

I think it is a fairly well-known fact in my friend circle that I made the horribly stupid and horribly expensive mistake of accidentally donating our entire wardrobe of snowboarding clothes to Goodwill.  I’m not gonna go into the sordid details of how it happened, just know that it did and it SUCKED when I discovered my  blunder.  It’s really a wonder I am still walking around with all my limbs and nary a scar on my body.

We finally ordered some new clothes to replace the old ones and to try and save a little cash, decided to shop online.  I never shop online for clothes…or in catalogs either because I always need to try clothes on.  So, I shouldn’t have been surprised that when my brand new snowboarding outfit came in the mail today, I tried it on and nothing fits.  The jacket, a medium, is just barely too tight around my hips and the pants, large, are too big.

The problem is, I am a Largium.  Or perhaps a Mediurge?  Or an X-Medium?  Whatever.  I am perfectly in between a medium and a large but being that snowboarding clothes come in the standard XS, S, M, L, XL size range, I’m kind of screwed.  I guess I can decide to lose or gain 15 pounds and maybe I’ll be closer to one or the other.  Given the season and the lack of any kind of exercise lately, I can guess which it’ll be.  Blurge.  When I become rich off my domain name money I will get a custom-made outfit to fit this small-chested, large-rib caged, small-waisted, big-hipped and bigger-butted body.

The clothes are cute, though.  See?